I Got A Sleep Divorce—And I’ve Never Felt More Rested

I’ve been divorced from my husband, Jason, since the second I married him 16 years ago. It’s been a blissful separation: I got to choose my own decor, listen to whichever middle-of-the-night podcasts suited me and turn my bedside lamp on and off with impunity like the possessed, sleep-deprived golem that I am.

Okay, we’re not actually divorced—we’re sleep divorced. I’ve always struggled with insomnia, and Jason has always been a terrible snorer. Neither of these improve with age, and as we melt like greying candles into middle age and all its challenges (oh hi, menopausal night sweats!), what started as a necessity now appears to be a master plan.

Related: Our Editors’ Favourite Sleep Accessories For A Better Night’s Rest

When Jason and I were looking to buy a house in 2010—and I was pregnant with my now 14-year-old—we knew separate bedrooms were non-negotiable. At the time we had an unglamorous situation in our rental that involved me banishing him to a futon in the basement. We figured anything was an upgrade from that, but it did cost us. It also factored into our decision to only have one kid: we certainly couldn’t afford a four-bedroom house in Toronto, and our skinny semi-detached home meant there wasn’t enough space to stuff two children into one room.

But I really believe that if Jason and I had tried sleeping together all these years, we’d actually be divorced. Now that our peers are starting to deal with the same issues—my lifelong battle to sleep through the night is an exciting new adventure for many of my perimenopausal friends—they’re pretty jealous of our setup. And just in case anyone thinks not sharing a bed means you don’t have sex, never fear! I know where my husband lives, mostly because I can still hear him snoring through the wall.