Why Lindy West’s Latest Memoir Has Set The Internet On Fire
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman who talks about the complexities of her marriage publicly is summoning The Discourse. And the more complex the marital dynamics, well, the more overwrought the reaction. (Just ask Jada Pinkett Smith or New York writer Emily Gould about how women talking about their intimate relationships publicly can play out.)
Former Jezebel writer and Shrill author Lindy West has gotten her fair share of over-the-top responses to the recent release of her most recent memoir, Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane. It’s a spiritual travelogue in which she discusses, in part, how her open-ish marriage to musician Ahamefule Oluo morphed into a throuple with their girlfriend.
There have been big-stretch takes that frame her book as a “tombstone for millennial feminism,” as well as more thoughtful profiles and essays that reckon with the subject. (YouTube is awash with insulting reads on West’s self-awareness when it comes to her own relationships, alas.)
But while reviews span the spectrum, if there’s one general point of agreement it’s that West’s husband doesn’t exactly seem worth all the marital maneuvering. Much of the ick factor for readers and reviewers of the book came down to what some perceived as the less-than-mutually-agreeble circumstances of the couple’s transition into a polyamorous relationship: though they’d agreed to be non-monogamous (it was non-negotiable for Oluo), West found out Oluo was dating other people behind her back.
Despite West’s best efforts to emphasize how happy she is in her relationship with Oluo now, Readers Just Aren’t Into Them. To be fair, Oluo isn’t doing much to change hearts and minds.
In a recent podcast for Slate, staff writer Scaachi Koul shares that after her profile of West was published earlier this month, she received unhappy feedback from West, Oluo and their girlfriend Roya Amirsoleymani, all separately. Oluo especially laid into Koul for writing what they call a “bitter narrative,” and for not adequately describing the nature of their work (in, we should add, a profile about their wife’s writing career).
“You absolutely dehumanized me and intentionally diminished my personhood and career,” Oluo writes, before ending the email with a slew of insults that culminate with him telling Koul, “you fucking suck.”
It’s an ugly experience for Koul that has set online discourse into overdrive as even people who’ve never encountered West’s work weigh in online. But reactions aside, the email itself doesn’t do much to dispel the nagging feeling that readers that struggled to be won over by West’s partner might have been onto something.
Has the controversy boosted or blunted Lindy West’s memoir sales? Like Adult Braces itself, the story may be more complicated than either/or.
The very best of Chatelaine straight to your inbox.
Flannery Dean is a writer based in Hamilton, Ont. She’s written for The Narwhal, the Globe and Mail and The Guardian.
