The Questions Every Parent Should Ask About Health and Work
For many working parents, “balance” feels like a myth. Most days there’s no neat division between home and office—just a constant shuffle between deadlines and school pick-ups.
Renée* is a mom of two under 10 and works in communications. She describes how the notion that “it gets easier after the toddler days” never really came true for her. “You trick yourself into thinking you’ve got this, because your kids are in school now so you can focus more on your career. But with school-age kids comes new struggles. If they get sick, you have no childcare—and it always happens on a presentation day!”
For a lot of mothers, this coincides with the mid-career years, when they are starting to make real strides. “Just when you start killing it at work, you feel like you’re dropping the ball as mom or vice versa,” says Renée.
There’s a very real health strain women face, on top of trying to juggle everything else. “Globally, women spend 25 per cent more time in poor health compared to men,” says Jennifer Foubert, assistant vice-president and head of product and growth for group benefits at Manulife Canada.
The good news: Knowing what supports are available and how to access them can drastically improve women’s experiences as they navigate this life stage. According to data from Maven Clinic, a virtual service that specializes in women's and family health, 37 per cent of patients who access its services report feeling more confident as a parent, and one-third are better able to manage anxiety and depression.
“Support during this stage of life is critical,” says Foubert, “not only for women’s well-being, but also to ensure they can fully participate in every part of their lives.”
Asking the right questions—of yourself, your doctor and your employer—can help you feel more supported, more in control and more empowered. Here are expert recommendations for where to start.
What to ask yourself
Mothers notoriously put themselves last. When so much of your day is spent caring for others, making time for a quick self-check is one of the simplest but most effective ways to catch early signs of stress before they snowball. “With what time?” you might ask. Fair. But these checks don’t have to take long. Even five minutes can make a big difference.
Dr. Emilie-Marie Sagripanti is a family physician in Toronto whose services can be accessed through Maven. “I advise my patients to have a brief check-in with themselves daily, if they can,” she says. “The most effective way to do this is to try to incorporate it into other routines. That can be when you’re brushing your teeth, during your commute to or from work or even while preparing dinner.”
There are a few areas to think about when doing this reflection, Dr. Sagripanti says. Ask yourself how you are feeling across these five pillars, all of which are equally important for overall well-being:
- Nutrition: Have I been eating to fuel my body beyond picking scraps off my kid’s plate?
- Exercise: How can I remember to get up from my desk and move my body today, even briefly?
- Sleep: Am I waking up refreshed, or am I constantly exhausted?
- Relaxation: Am I finding time to disconnect and unwind after work?
- Social connection: Have I spent time with people who can fill my cup, beyond co-workers and family?
It’s important not to use this check-in time to beat yourself up for “failing” in any of these categories. Exercise might mean stroller walks or following a 10-minute yoga video before bedtime—don’t hold yourself to pre-kid standards.
And know that it’s okay if some pillars take a back seat to others when your schedule gets especially crunchy.
“Everyone is different,” says Dr. Sagripanti. “Some people might really need daily doses of social connection to feel like themselves; others maybe only need a bigger outing once every few weeks.”
What to ask your doctor
When you’re balancing kids and work, it’s easy to dismiss fatigue, mood swings or stress as “just part of life.” But your doctor can be an important ally in helping to prevent burnout, which two-thirds of parents say they’ve experienced, and protecting your long-term health. “Being open and proactive, discussing these things with your doctor, is very important,” says Dr. Sagripanti. “They can help decide with you what the best course of action would be.
Dr. Niki Panich, a primary care physician at Cleveland Clinic Canada, medical director for Manulife Canada’s Group Benefits, agrees. “Give yourself permission to talk about even the littlest thing,” she says. She recommends asking about physical health checks and blood tests that can identify nutrient deficiencies or conditions that could be underlying issues contributing to fatigue. For example, postpartum thyroiditis specifically affects 8 to 10 per cent of women after pregnancy.
It’s important to seek help before challenges become overwhelming. Here are a few areas to discuss with your doctor if you are experiencing symptoms of burnout:
- Screenings: Could there be underlying causes to my constant tiredness? Things like thyroid dysfunction or vitamin deficiencies?
- Preventive care: Are there small changes I can make that will help with things like fatigue? Or preventive health checks I should be prioritizing at this stage of life?
- Referrals: How do I know if I need support with my mental health, and what’s “normal” for this stage of life? Where can I look for support?
- Time off: If I decide to take medical leave from work, what are the steps and what documentation do you provide?
“There’s nothing too small that you can ask your doctor,” says Dr. Panich. “Give yourself permission to ask those questions; they will be able to offer medical information as well as advice and perspective.”
What to ask at work
Your employer can be a powerful partner in navigating the demands of parenting—but only if you know what’s available to you. This might include counselling benefits, employee assistance programs or work accommodations like remote schedules and modified hours.
When having these conversations with your people manager or HR representative, start with these questions:
- Benefits: Does our plan cover counselling, parenting support or virtual health platforms?
- Flexibility: Can I request modified hours, hybrid/remote work or flex time for school pick-ups?
- Accommodations: What’s the policy for workload expectations if I have an unexpected family situation arise, like child care falling through?
- Career development: What mentorship, leadership programs or professional development opportunities are available for parents balancing work and caregiving?
Approach these conversations with confidence in what you bring to the table. “It’s important to know your worth at work,” says Foubert. “During these prime years when women are building their careers and raising their families, they’re also contributing to organizations in meaningful and tremendous ways.” Tracking your successes and having clearly defined goals that you share with your manager can help you feel more assured to advocate for yourself, whether that’s for promotions, raises or accommodations.
Dr. Panich adds that moms bring more, not less, to the workplace: “I would hire a mom, especially of multiple children, in a heartbeat—they’ve mastered organization and prioritization. That skill set is invaluable.”
More employers than ever share this view and recognize that supportive policies aren’t just nice to have—they have a measurable impact on retention. According to Statistics Canada, the share of mothers in 2019 planning to return to work after having a baby rose more than 6 per cent to 88.4 per cent, from 82.3 per cent in 2009—largely due to better access to workplace benefits and support.
That’s part of the reason Manulife Canada now includes access to Maven as an option for plan sponsors to add to their group benefits. The partnership provides accessible virtual support through four stages of women’s and family health, including parenting and pediatrics. Through Manulife’s partnership, eligible parents can connect with doctors, therapists, coaches and career advisers.
“When we support working mothers, we’re not only improving health outcomes—we’re strengthening our workplaces and communities,” says Foubert.
*Name has been changed for anonymity.
The information in this article is not to be relied on for medical advice for specific situations. Individual circumstances may vary. Always speak to a medical professional for medical advice.
