My Partner Wants Another Kid. I'm Not So Sure. What Should I Do? Tell Me, Chantal!
Q: My partner and I have one kid. He desperately wants another. I’m on the fence. I love the idea in theory, but know two kids will change our lives drastically — we'll constantly be strapped for cash, and the first one put a strain on our relationship that we worked through, but I’m nervous we won't be able to do it again. What should I do?
Easy. Don't do it. I don't care what anyone says, or what pressure they put on you.
I just got a puppy. Of course everyone in the house said they'd help with that puppy. Who’s picking up the poo? Feeding? Disciplining? Taking attitude from the husband for the puppy having an accident on the rug? Or chewing a favourite shoe? Me! MOMMYTOWN!
Okay, I know — a baby is not a puppy. But that’s the point. For a mom — even a mom with a great, supportive, co-parenting partner — motherhood means being sleep deprived, haggard and often sacrificing all for baby. Your own life can go on hold for months, even years. And my cousin, Brenda, god rest her soul, always said, the more kids you have, the harder your marriage. Damn, girl was speaking the truth.
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I had three! Three beautiful boys. I love them to death and would never give one back. But I can say definitively that it doesn't get easier! It's puke and poop and pee on my damn toilet seat. How many more times do I have to sit on a wet toilet seat? They talk back to you. Turn into teenage demons and curse you under their breath, and you turn into a witch.
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I miss my husband and the time and space to get a sentence in! I guess Raine and I can have a good long catch up chat when they leave the nest.
The decision of course, is yours. Just be honest with what you want for your life, and what you are prepared to give, because as you know, it’s for life! What was your first child like? Colicky? Easy? It doesn’t matter — because there are no guarantees as to what your next one will be like. My three are from three different planets. You cannot predict what is to come.
You don’t have to feel like you have a well of endless love to have a second kid. You need just enough love (like all mommies!). But if you have a voice in your head, that says you might not be up for it, you should probably listen to it. Tell your partner all adults are big kids trying to figure out life — and with all the challenges in the world, you just want to focus on being really great at taking care of your one child, and each other.
Chantal Kreviazuk is an award-winning singer songwriter. She is married to Our Lady Peace frontman Raine Maida. They have three kids.
Got a question for Chantal? E-mail us at letters@chatelaine.rogers.com
