Dear Claudia: Why is my best friend jealous of my pregnancy?

Dear Claudia,

I am in my mid-30s and have been trying to get pregnant for four years. It has been an ordeal. My best friend has been a rock throughout. I just found out that I’m pregnant, but when I told her, she seemed indifferent or disappointed instead of happy. She is also in her mid-30s and single. I wonder if she’s jealous? Is this something I can broach with her?

Dear Expecting,

It can be confusing when our closest friends do not share in our victories and appear to prefer us in a state of unrest. You’ve been through, as you put it, an “ordeal,” and your best friend has been brilliantly supportive. She related to your despair and exasperation. She felt a kinship when you were not getting what you wanted. Now that you are expecting, that kinship has been upset. How to recalibrate?

Give her some time. “Best​ friend” is a gargantuan title to bestow; she must have earned it over the years. Forgive her if she did not quite muster the reaction you were anticipating. Instead of considering it jealousy, think of this as a period of readjustment for your friendship. You have been the centre of her attentions. Now it’s her turn. You are at your strongest, delighting in a beautiful time in your life and perfectly poised to support her. What does she want? How can you help her? These are the questions a best friend asks. These are the questions that make a best friendship a balanced one.

Claudia Dey is a novelist, columnist and Governor General’s Award–nominated playwright. She is the author of How to Be a Bush Pilot: A Field Guide to Getting Luckier.

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