Why Is Decluttering So Hard?

If you’re having trouble tackling an overflowing closet, junk drawer or filing cabinet (or, let’s be honest, all of the above), you’re not alone. Here’s why it’s so difficult to let stuff go—even if you really, really want to—and how to start decluttering when you're feeling overwhelmed.

How does clutter happen and why is it so stressful?

“Clutter is a lot of unmade decisions,” explains Daina Benson, a professional organizer and a director for the Hoarding Disorder Foundation of Alberta. “Things pile up because we don’t know what to do with them.” Sound familiar? When we’re already experiencing decision fatigue from the myriad stressors in our lives, figuring out where things go and what to get rid of becomes more difficult.

Living alongside all that stuff isn’t just annoying—it also affects our mental health, bringing on feelings of overwhelm, guilt, shame and failure. According to Dr. Joti Samra, a Vancouver-based psychologist who has worked extensively with compulsive hoarders, there’s evidence of a correlation between cluttered environments and higher stress-hormone levels. Hoarding has been recognized as a mental disorder since 2013 and is deemed a clinical issue when the behaviour has a significant negative impact on a person’s health and quality of life. That said, any amount of clutter can have a ripple effect, causing stress and concentration issues, and putting a strain on relationships.

Why do we hang on to stuff?

We typically hold on to items for two reasons: because they have emotional significance or because we don’t want to admit we regret a purchase.

Dealing with buyer’s remorse tends to be easier to rationalize. “We don’t want to feel like [something] was a waste of money, but it’s still a waste of money if it’s sitting in a box,” says Benson. You might keep something for years “just in case,” and then feel justified when you finally find a use for it. “That one burst of positive reinforcement can be very powerful. It can shape behaviour,” says Samra.

Many of us are sentimental about possessions and see them as extensions of ourselves. It’s normal to place significance on certain objects, like a childhood book or a gift from a loved one. “But when we feel sentimental about everything, it starts to sabotage our ability to live in a safe, functional space,” warns Benson. She gives the closet as an example: “We often keep things that represent how we used to look, how we used to feel, a job we used to have.”

Benson says it’s important to be honest with yourself about the emotional cost of keeping those items, and whether you should hold space in your life for something that no longer brings you joy or value.

Professional organizers often tell their clients to ask themselves one question when they’re struggling to make decisions: Is this item easy to replace? If it can easily be found again, repurchased for a low cost or borrowed, it’s okay to let it go.

For people who have experienced financial hardships or trauma, such as immigrating to a new country with few possessions, it can be especially difficult to sell, donate or throw away belongings. In those cases, it’s important to give yourself (or the person you’re helping) grace and approach the situation with compassion and without judgment, says Samra.

Benson often supports grieving families dealing with estates. In those often-fraught, highly emotional situations, she recommends taking as much time to declutter as possible, and giving yourself permission to hold on to as much as you want—for now. “Honouring our loved one doesn’t mean keeping everything,” says Benson, who notes that giving certain items to people who will enjoy them as much as your loved one did can be empowering.

I feel overwhelmed by clutter. Where do I start?

Hiding things out of sight might provide momentary relief, but eventually it will all come crashing down—sometimes literally. “The amount of stuff we have has to match our space,” explains Benson. 

Make a plan

The first thing Benson asks her clients to do is figure out what their goal for their space is. “Think about what you want to feel when you walk in, and write it down.” When you get stuck, you can look back at that piece of paper and think about whether the objects you’re on the fence about keeping honour this vision.

It’s also a good idea to take a break when you start to feel overwhelmed. “It’s going to happen, and then you’re not going to be able to make good decisions,” says Benson. Just set a timer to ensure you eventually return to the task at hand.

Break down a big job into manageable steps

Benson advises against pulling out every single item from a cluttered area. Instead, work section by section, drawer by drawer, box by box. That way, you don’t have to do it all at once—you can see exactly where you left off and keep going. “Maybe you don't have three hours, but you have 10 minutes. What could you knock off in 10 minutes? It keeps the project moving forward.”

Start with the least emotionally loaded space

Some rooms are more emotional than others. Start somewhere neutral, like the kitchen, rather than pulling out boxes of photo albums from the basement. Think of decluttering as a muscle you’re building: the more you exercise, the easier it gets. “These things take on their own momentum—after somebody starts letting go, they can become very objective about their belongings.”

Figure out an exit strategy

An important part of decluttering is actually dealing with the items you no longer want or use, whether it’s by donating them, selling them or getting them repaired or tailored. Don’t keep boxes of unwanted items for too long—that stuff tends to find its way back into your home, undoing your hard work.

Reward yourself 

“Giving yourself a reward for finishing a room or a decluttering project is really important,” says Benson. It doesn’t have to mean bringing home more stuff or spending lots of money—treat yourself to a fancy coffee, go on a date with a friend or cozy up at home to watch the movie you’ve been saving for a special occasion.