Today I have a CT exam, but I don't have any anxiety

This is my fourth time dealing with chemo. This is my fourth time facing cancer in 5 1/2 years. Each time I had to deal with it prior to this I would have a couple of days where I would do nothing but cry and think about what I might be losing and what my family had to face moving forward. This time is different. As I went for the CT scan yesterday, the last test before treatment would start, I didn't have those feelings. As my mother used to say: "No expectations, no disappointments." I knew the cancer hadn't fully gone away and so i didn't expect the elusive cure. I knew this day was coming....now, it's here.