The Jabba Approach

  I had this thought that if I gained a whole whack of weight the cancer lumps might appear smaller in relation to the fatness of my neck. I already have a weakness for potato chips and the occasional cheeseburger. I could just go carb supernova – a strict diet of potatoes and pasta and all things battered, fried and buttered, rounded out with a daily tub of fois gras and washed down with cases of pop and kegs of beer. If I could keep it up for thirteen days (and not go into cardiac arrest)  by the time they do the CT scan the lumps will look miniscule in comparison to my five chins.  They may not even be able to find them in there. On the other hand, it’s possible they have more scientific measurements than How big do the lumps look compared to her neck-fat? In which case I’d just be gigantic and lumpy and no closer to the goal of cancer obliteration. Back to the drawing board.