Are you getting enough sex?

When was the last time you spent the day getting it on? On average, Canadians are having sex about twice a week, according to the Durex 2004 Global Sex Survey. This is encouraging news, because regular sex with your partner is vital to any healthy happy relationship, says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications). But some of us may only be getting lucky twice a month or even twice a year. Don't panic: "There is no 'normal' level of sexual desire. Every woman is different," says Dr. Vicki Holmes, medical director of the Women's Mid-Life Health Centre in Saskatoon. That said, it can't hurt to take this quiz and find out how to re-ignite your home fires – and keep them blazing.

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Are you getting enough sex?
Question of 7 Choose the phrase that best describes your attitude towards sex: Bring it on! I steal time with my partner whenever I possibly can My libido seems to be on vacation lately I love it, but at the end of the day, sleep wins every time I feel more self-conscious than sexy these days Have you recently experienced any of the following health changes? overwhelming stress and fatigue pregnancy or recent birth menopausal, peri- and post-menopausal symptoms depression or anxiety none of the above Your partner asks you to plan an intimate date night. Do you: wish he would sweep you off your feet for once get a sitter, take a bath and prepare for your Prince Charming get excited, but worry about what you're going to wear in bed plead a headache – your interest in sex has dropped off the radar Your girlfriends are dishing about what gets them in the mood and it's your turn. You: are embarrassed by the details, but intrigued – maybe you'll pick up some pointers dive into your You: Brad Pitt, Me: Jane routine, complete with loincloths have to think far back to the days when one look left you breathless start talking about hot lingerie, but end up complaining about your couch-surfing partner It's your partner's turn to do the dishes – but he says he's too tired. Do you: argue that you're exhausted, too, but if he washes, you'll dry feel sorry for him – he does so much, you don't deserve him do them yourself, but don't let him forget it leave them until tomorrow and spend some cuddle time on the couch You and your partner have a child-free half-hour sandwiched between errands after work. You: sit down together and talk about your day do what you always do: start dinner while he starts some laundry sit down for a sec and fall asleep instantly feel shocked – and pleasantly surprised – when things get frisky – it's 5:30 p.m.! Lately, your partner hasn't been all that interested in sex. Do you feel: confused, but don't know how to approach the issue hurt – he must not find you attractive anymore concerned for his health and eager to help a little relieved – now you can share your issues together Lucky lady Congratulations! You and your partner seem to have everything going for you. Communication lines are honest and open, the comfort level is high and you have a sense of play. Sex is important to you both, and you celebrate it by making time for it. You're no stranger to your own sexuality, either – you know what you need from your partner because you've done the oh-so-fun research. And although life is full and sometimes stressful, you're aware that a little adult time can be a great way to unwind. What's next? "Have a dirty weekend at least once a year, stay in bed and play," says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications). Widening your sexual horizons can increase the heat if things seem a little routine. "I recommend adding some new element to your lovemaking every third session," says McGarvie. Go to the dollar store and try flavoured condoms, blindfolds or feather dusters. Play and have fun – it's OK to share fantasies with your partner, she advises. Looking for more ideas? Check out our tips to spice up your sex life or find out what foods will rev up your sexual appetite. Get the lowdown on your low-sex drive You can't remember the last time your libido kicked in. You love your body and your partner (most of the time), but you may be concerned because you aren't very interested in sex anymore. Don't worry – a woman's sexual desire levels fluctuate, and it's a very individual science. There are many medical reasons for low sex drive: stress, fatigue, depression, anxiety, menopause, peri- and post- menopause, pregnancy and childbirth are just a few, says Dr. Vicki Holmes, medical director of the Women's Mid-Life Health Centre in Saskatoon. What's next Take a breath and speak to your doctor, who can help determine what's causing your low sex drive and how to treat it. Talk to your partner, too, as communication is crucial to a healthy relationship. "A woman's loss of sexual desire is personal and has to do with her health and expectations," says Dr. Holmes. One common reason for low sex drive is perfectly natural and inescapable: perimenopause and menopause – which can last between five and 10 years – can cause testosterone and estrogen levels to drop, potentially limiting sex drive, the ability to orgasm and vaginal lubrication. (Discover what artificial lube can do for you. Women who have recently given birth should wait until a postpartum examination to resume sexual intercourse, since the right time depends on how you're healing, advises Dr. Holmes. And if you're experiencing continuous stress, fatigue, depression or anxiety, don't be afraid to speak up – all can affect your ability to feel frisky. Want to learn more about getting through a sexual-desire drought? Read Great sex at any age, with tips for every woman from the single girl to the sexy senior. Slow down and speak up Like many couples, you and your partner may be stuck in a rut of kids and work, and stopped talking about what's important to each other. Communication is key – if something is on your mind, get it out. Allowing strong emotions to simmer unchecked will only lead to resentment, which can decrease the ability to orgasm. Although it may seem like there aren't enough hours in the day, you and your partner need to make time for each other and for sex – and have fun while you're at it! "Date night is critical. Kids understand grown-up time," says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications). What's next Consider initiating a conversation, without distractions, about your relationship, or seeking help from a couples or sex therapist. Otherwise, "A man will start to look at you like a roommate or a sister if there is no regular sexual activity that is mutually agreeable," says McGarvie. Yikes! Remember, sometimes even a heated discussion can accelerate passion. Also, talk to your partner about scheduling sex – it may sound clinical, but it may actually turn you on. "The longer time women have to think about it, the more receptive to sex they will be," adds McGarvie. If the problem lies with your partner, read how to get him to open up. Or surprise him with some new moves. Shed those inhibitions! Your desire levels are fine, but you have trouble expressing what you want in the bedroom. Feeling unattractive and sexually insecure is something many women have to deal with, but it puts a real damper on intimacy. Although it doesn't sound easy, you've got to believe that your partner cares about you and wants you just the way you are. He also wants to please you – the highest compliment you can give a man in bed is to have a good time, says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications). If body confidence is an issue, read love your body now. What's next Find out what makes you feel sexy and do it often! "Get to know your equipment – the more you know how your body works, the better sex will be for you," says McGarvie, who recommends masturbation. Practice makes perfect, and the more you get used to feeling like a sex goddess, the easier it will be. "Women feel sexual when they use their imagination, so read erotica," says McGarvie. Once you're in the mood, there's nothing left but to find your honey and give it a go! Need more inspiration? Read real women's stories about expanding their erotic horizons or learn what positions can lead you to orgasm.