Question of 7 Choose the phrase that best describes your attitude towards sex:
Lucky lady Congratulations! You and your partner seem to have everything going for you. Communication lines are honest and open, the comfort level is high and you have a sense of play. Sex is important to you both, and you celebrate it by making time for it. You're no stranger to your own sexuality, either – you know what you need from your partner because you've done the oh-so-fun research. And although life is full and sometimes stressful, you're aware that a little adult time can be a great way to unwind.What's next? "Have a dirty weekend at least once a year, stay in bed and play," says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications). Widening your sexual horizons can increase the heat if things seem a little routine. "I recommend adding some new element to your lovemaking every third session," says McGarvie. Go to the dollar store and try flavoured condoms, blindfolds or feather dusters. Play and have fun – it's OK to share fantasies with your partner, she advises. Looking for more ideas? Check out our tips to spice up your sex life or find out what foods will rev up your sexual appetite. Get the lowdown on your low-sex drive You can't remember the last time your libido kicked in. You love your body and your partner (most of the time), but you may be concerned because you aren't very interested in sex anymore. Don't worry – a woman's sexual desire levels fluctuate, and it's a very individual science. There are many medical reasons for low sex drive: stress, fatigue, depression, anxiety, menopause, peri- and post- menopause, pregnancy and childbirth are just a few, says Dr. Vicki Holmes, medical director of the Women's Mid-Life Health Centre in Saskatoon.What's next Take a breath and speak to your doctor, who can help determine what's causing your low sex drive and how to treat it. Talk to your partner, too, as communication is crucial to a healthy relationship. "A woman's loss of sexual desire is personal and has to do with her health and expectations," says Dr. Holmes. One common reason for low sex drive is perfectly natural and inescapable: perimenopause and menopause – which can last between five and 10 years – can cause testosterone and estrogen levels to drop, potentially limiting sex drive, the ability to orgasm and vaginal lubrication. (Discover what artificial lube can do for you. Women who have recently given birth should wait until a postpartum examination to resume sexual intercourse, since the right time depends on how you're healing, advises Dr. Holmes. And if you're experiencing continuous stress, fatigue, depression or anxiety, don't be afraid to speak up – all can affect your ability to feel frisky. Want to learn more about getting through a sexual-desire drought? Read Great sex at any age, with tips for every woman from the single girl to the sexy senior. Slow down and speak up Like many couples, you and your partner may be stuck in a rut of kids and work, and stopped talking about what's important to each other. Communication is key – if something is on your mind, get it out. Allowing strong emotions to simmer unchecked will only lead to resentment, which can decrease the ability to orgasm. Although it may seem like there aren't enough hours in the day, you and your partner need to make time for each other and for sex – and have fun while you're at it! "Date night is critical. Kids understand grown-up time," says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications).What's next Consider initiating a conversation, without distractions, about your relationship, or seeking help from a couples or sex therapist. Otherwise, "A man will start to look at you like a roommate or a sister if there is no regular sexual activity that is mutually agreeable," says McGarvie. Yikes! Remember, sometimes even a heated discussion can accelerate passion. Also, talk to your partner about scheduling sex – it may sound clinical, but it may actually turn you on. "The longer time women have to think about it, the more receptive to sex they will be," adds McGarvie. If the problem lies with your partner, read how to get him to open up. Or surprise him with some new moves. Shed those inhibitions! Your desire levels are fine, but you have trouble expressing what you want in the bedroom. Feeling unattractive and sexually insecure is something many women have to deal with, but it puts a real damper on intimacy. Although it doesn't sound easy, you've got to believe that your partner cares about you and wants you just the way you are. He also wants to please you – the highest compliment you can give a man in bed is to have a good time, says Sue McGarvie, a sex therapist, syndicated radio host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms (Romance Communications). If body confidence is an issue, read love your body now.What's next Find out what makes you feel sexy and do it often! "Get to know your equipment – the more you know how your body works, the better sex will be for you," says McGarvie, who recommends masturbation. Practice makes perfect, and the more you get used to feeling like a sex goddess, the easier it will be. "Women feel sexual when they use their imagination, so read erotica," says McGarvie. Once you're in the mood, there's nothing left but to find your honey and give it a go! Need more inspiration? Read real women's stories about expanding their erotic horizons or learn what positions can lead you to orgasm. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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