‘Roid Rage
December 5, 2008
It’s back… My teenager-esque penchant for pizza pops; my getting out of bed and dragging myself back to the feedbag at 11PM. The steroids are at it again, and even though I’ve lived it before, their immutable domination of my appetite is still alarming. I do not have a large frame to feed -- I stand about 5’5”. I am not currently exercising regularly. Neither am I pregnant. And yet yesterday following breakfast (tea, toast, fruit) I had two large bowls of soup (sweet potato, then bean and ham) and a pepperoni pizza pop – all before noon. I then ate two massive servings of pasta, followed by more soup and a huge dinner. Plus some chocolate and one cookie. During a pause in this feeding frenzy, I lay on my bed and looked down to discover that I had grown an actual paunch. In one day. That’s not normal, right? An un-suck-in-able, 5-months pregnant or so belly, lolling in a weird, gelatinous way across the place my stomach used to be. Making gurgling sounds at me. The paunch has subsided a little this morning, and I’m going to do my best to keep it from coming back this afternoon (in spite of increasingly urgent cravings for poached eggs and buttered toast.) Raging as my ‘roid appetite may be, I console myself that unlike your typical steroid-user, at least I’m not getting aggressive and competing with my husband about who can bench-press more. Because frankly, add aggression to this mix of gluttony and sloth and even I will start finding myself a bit offensive.
The very best of Chatelaine straight to your inbox.
Subscribe to Chatelaine!
Want to streamline your life? In our Spring 2025 issue, we’ll show you how—whether it’s paring down your wardrobe, decluttering your messiest spaces or spending way less time cooking thanks to an easy, mostly make-ahead meal plan for busy weeknights. Plus, our first annual Pantry Awards.