Sex & Relationships

How to have mind-blowing sex tonight (we promise!)

Here are three surefire ways to sex up your sex life. (All Chatelaine tested and approved!)
Sept 2013, couple in bed cuddling Amiasterisco/Getty Images

“Sex is the glue that keeps couples together,” says Trina Read, a Calgary-based relationship and sexual health expert. “Research shows that when two people have a good sex life, it can boost their relationship happiness by 15 percent. But when they don’t, happiness levels go down by up to 50 percent.”

1. Think like a man Put your sexual needs first. It’s the single best way to improve your sex life. That means unapologetically saying (not asking for) what you want. It’s different for all of us, but this could mean telling him, “Kiss my neck before you go for the mouth,” “Massage my shoulders first to loosen me up, then gently work your way to my chest,” or “I need you to slow down.” Women who aren’t afraid to make it all about them are women who really enjoy sex, says Read. Bonus: Men find this hot too!

Expert tip: If you truly want to have mind-blowing sex, you may need a little solo pre-work. This might mean reading a few pages of a steamy novel or taking a quick shower to prepare your mind, says Read. The point is to do whatever it takes to make you feel desirable, which, in turn, amps up arousal. Then let it happen.

2. Lube up All sex is better with lube (take a look at our favourite lubes here), says Read. And a little goes a long way. Experts say silicone-based options last longer and are less sticky (read messy) than water-based ones. Steer clear of any that include the preservative propylene glycol in the ingredient list; it can be irritating.

Expert tip: Once you’re all lubed up, get in the right position. Read says that usually means you on top. Then wiggle around until you find an angle that achieves clitoral stimulation. If it feels like too much work to be on top, putting a pillow under your hips can lead to greater satisfaction in the man-on-top missionary position.

3. Play doctor Read suggests thinking like a sexologist. Approach sex with the excitement and curiosity of a scholar eager for learning. “For example, if you want to understand how to give better oral sex, bring along a how-to book, head down there and start asking questions,” says Read. “This mentality changes the bedroom dynamic from feeling forced to being fun.” Not surprisingly, all this positive couple attention can boost your relationship. Sounds win-win. And the more you do it, the better it gets!


Expert tip: The We-Vibe ($95, is the most couple-friendly, least intimidating vibrator on the market. Created by an Ottawa-based couple, it is currently the bestselling gadget in this fast-growing category.

What fun tips do you and your partner use to keep sex interesting? Tell us in the comment section below. 


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